When we believe that things are not possible, they will not be possible. The beliefs we uphold define our lives from the options we see to the choices we make, but the good news is that we can choose our beliefs.
To think differently requires intentionality, it’s a decision, choosing to release ourselves from the self-imposed rulebook — anything is actually possible when we stop imagining it within the confines of our limiting beliefs.
Our values represent what is most important to us, and Our beliefs are what we hold to be true
All of our decisions are essentially guided by two things: our values and our beliefs. Evident in all of our interpretations and engagement, these define our relationships from rights and duties, to behaviour and permissions, and so much more.
Truth, contrary to popular understanding, is different to fact. Truth is tied up in our personal experience of events which is itself interpreted through our personal lens, which naturally is formed by our personal values. Ok, this sounds a bit like a rabbit hole but what it comes down to is that your truth is not the same as my truth and so we must be careful not to perpetuate our perspective as THE truth.
Take our opinions regarding the length of this article, a sentiment that will differ and depend entirely upon what length of article we’ve individually come to most commonly experience, our personal baseline for “normal”. Simply put “the truth” is entirely subjective and not fact – personalised and thus neither obvious nor unanimous.
Common ground for “the truth”, however, is where the factual lines get blurred over confirmation: when we experience time to be elastic – that time goes by quickly when certain events occur and then slower during others – there is comfort in that shared conceptual understanding, yet, event specifics that actually trigger this elastic time will vary from person to person.
What exactly are Limiting beliefs ?
So over to limiting beliefs, these are those beliefs which constrain us in some way – in believing them we: do not think beyond them, do not say anything that opposes them, and do not act against them. As a consequence of holding on to these types of beliefs we limit ourselves and our lives hence the term “Limiting Beliefs”.
Our limiting beliefs define our perceived choices
— they discolour our lens and ultimately bind our perceptions (we are rendered by our beliefs)
Our perceptions give meaning to our reality
— they become the story we are telling ourselves (we believe our view to be the truth).
Our beliefs, our truth, are both personal and unique. There is great importance in identifying and managing those that are limiting because our beliefs are the storytellers for much of our internal narrative. The language we use internally to express our thought patterns gives meaning to our beliefs and determines their purpose in our life: phrases such as I do/don’t, I can’t, I must/mustn’t, I am/not are designed to tell us exactly where our limits lay. Similarly our story extends to anticipating those and the world around us via assumptive thought patterns and preemptive actioning (they will/ they won’t … therefore).
Where do our limiting beliefs come from ?
Our world order, our beliefs, are primarily derived from nurtured core values (our developmental foundation) and socially encountered order (our experience of the world around us). Operating out of these two systems leads to a compelled participation in stereotype assumptions and stereotype threats. To note, these two stereotyping states perpetuate each other while the ramification thereof is that our thought restrictions become tighter and tighter as we reinforce our rigidity.
Stereotype Assumptions are when we believe opinion to be a factual parameter OR when we turn a singular experience into a generalised rule — ie we take something that we believe to be correct, something we perceive as THE RULE, and represent it as fact (THE TRUTH)
Stereotype Threats are when we feel at risk of conforming to a negative stereotype related to our “group”. Socially premised, they can manifest as anxiety in terms of ability to perform a task that is associated with having an expected negative outcome. Notably a secondary effect of stereotype threats is that this “fear”, fear of confirming the negative stereotype, can cause significant subconscious apprehension, reduced cognitive function, and may subsequently result in a self-fulfilling prophecy cycle.
We spend a whole lot of time wrapped up in our heads
— make sure it’s a good place to be
Limiting beliefs alter our perceptions of not only ourselves but also all that is around us (specifically and generally) BUT beliefs are NOT concrete. They are not carved in stone. They are actually neither “truth” nor finite. They are merely constructs of the contextual. So what’s really at the crux of our brain preferring this limited reality? and why do our limiting beliefs stay with us even when we try to shake them?
Limits are learned And anything learned can be revised
It is human behaviour to convert our personal experiences and assumptions into rules for general application, this is what brings about a sense of world order. These “rules to live by” offer comfort at the same time as conditioning for a fixed mindset. As with all repeat behaviour, this is transformed into habit which builds the neural pathways for our brain’s first responders (in this case, auto-piloted “knowing”).
Despite this conditioning, we CAN train ourselves to invest less into rigidity (“knowing”) and more into growing by simply questioning a belief’s veracity — “is that so?” We CAN choose cognitive flexibility. We CAN choose to be open-minded. It sounds pretty straight forward, and it is, but it takes time to really acknowledge just how many beliefs we have actually adopted as being “the way things are” and it’s for this very reason that questioning our orthodoxy requires an intentional and ongoing practise.
Questioning is the foundation of growth
It’s how we stop limiting ourselves
Take the imagination equation often quoted as reasoning: “I can’t imagine it therefore it is impossible”. Is that so?! Does not being able to imagine something make it impossible or does not being able to imagine something just mean we are unable to imagine it? A singular definitive versus an interpretative multiple. Now as a questioned limiting belief: “I can’t imagine it BECAUSE I have no experience with that to base an imagining off of yet”
revising our limiting beliefs comes down to us overcoming three main thinking patterns:
1. We define ourselves by our labels and as such our beliefs.
This labelling stems back to a very fundamental tangent in our thinking patterns: “I” has no value, “I am” requires me to “be” something, what I am is what gives value to me, therefore, what I am defines me. With this belief system in place, the “being” of something must be definable and subsequently the “NOT being” leads to a lack of self-worth. Not many people will actively choose feeling worthless and so we proceed to make choices that will prevent that feeling of worthlessness from happening. Limiting our choices because we believe there is only one option.
If I am not XYZ, then what am I? The not knowing how to value ourselves is scary, the uncertainty brings about our first responders that remind us we “know” what not being means. So then the answer is clear, I can’t stop being XYZ even if it’s no longer what I want because it is better than not being anything. Is that so? Are you what you do or are you who you are? Does your title really change the person you are? Someone did once say something about a Rose and its name.
2. We use confirmation bias to selectively prove our beliefs true
The very notion that “Today is going to be …” plays straight into our brain’s negative hardwiring and inclination towards self fulfilling prophecies. The statement takes a side, whether it be negative or positive, and so adjusts how we perceive the day’s sequence of events accordingly in order to confirm our perspective as true. This bias is learned behaviour, think back to how we were taught to write an essay, apply for a job, or debate a point: find supporting arguments that you can cite as proof that your perspective is correct, that you are correct. This behaviour, and subsequent thought patterns, apply to all of our beliefs (hence the difference between belief statements and facts)
Full accountability: TougherThan articles are no different, we use confirmation to propose our perspective. So what’s my point, are we selling limiting beliefs?! The question IS the point, you must question everything and then choose intentionally — for every perspective we can choose to grow flexibility from the additional input or settle rigidly adopting one perspective as a rule. Is that so?
3. We frame our beliefs in a pretty and palatable way that redirects us away from the rigidity, towards our “true purpose”
This is one of my favourites, this is where our brain’s relationship with suffering and comfort get intertwined. A limiting belief could suggest to us that we are being deprived of something, however that would perpetuate conscious suffering. Instead, our brain will help us to understand that we are in the most favourable position we could be, we are “choosing” ourselves. This is done via our brain subconsciously reframing our limitation as an advantage – this is good for me because XYZ, different is bad for me because XYZ. It is at this point that our brain, without even a conversation, deletes out all other options, discarding them under the frame of “not as good”.
This pretty and palatable auto-pilot helps keep us all feeling primarily good about ourselves and upholding our limiting beliefs — it maintains the world order as we know it and there’s very little dissatisfaction at play. Is that so? But what if those “other options” weren’t worse, what if they were just unknown parameters and as such we have no way to account for the actuality of them without taking on risk? Cognitive flexibility has a way of creeping in and once faced with choice we must consciously and intentionally decide. This is how we break the cycle, because when we say “yes” to something, we are in fact saying “no” to something else, by questioning all of what’s in play we question our “knowing” and so too our limiting beliefs.
So, What’s your narrative?
What are you telling yourself is the truth?
The biggest barrier you will ever face is that of limiting beliefs — yours and those of everyone around you. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to our perceptions and, at the end of the day, a limiting belief says far more about the person imposing it than it does about the subject it’s being imposed upon.
The checkmate to our Brain’s game
Operating from outside our limiting beliefs isn’t easy, it’s intentional. When we leave that safe, secure, comfortable world of our limiting beliefs, we face that gut clenching uncomfortable which our brains interpret as being unsafe, vulnerable and negative. Our brains will send us warning signals to retreat, to return, to go back to our defined limits BUT what is uncomfortable really? Isn’t uncomfortable just that… uncomfortable?! And what we define as uncomfortable does change over time, with experiences.
So, let me challenge you with a new definition, a new belief.
What if feeling uncomfortable just means you’re doing it right.
